But asking your girlfriend or wife to make it for you results in the exact opposite of calm.

How are you doing in the polls amongst household six year olds? Remember, abolishing bed times and mandatory school attendance will skyrocket you to popularity.

If cord x is y feet, and stretches z feet per a, b, and c pound payloads, and the distance from the bridge and the ground is n...

For me, it’s my Bible. It’s more than a comic. It’s my religion. I got bad grades in school, math was my nemesis and I was always getting in trouble. Calvin especially speaks to me on a very personal level. His dad and mine would be pals, ugh. They even look alike :s

Giggity.

*Calvin Of The Day

How is that bridge “historic”? Simply because it was built in 1880? I have underwear older than that.

Troll Level: Calvin’s Dad

Thought “touched elf on a shelf” was some kind of euphemism...

50 Shades of News

X sucks chocobo dick.

...One chip to bring them all and in the basement bind them...to the television... In the land of Suburbia where Cheetos flow...

Lighten up. The kid ended up with an extra 100 bucks and 3 games.

The Answer: someone who makes minimum fucking wage.

I’m sorry, did you blog something? ‘Cuz all I saw were tits.

Yeah, more info please. Was she carded? Maybe he just dates short women because he’s insecure?

...Amy Schumer?

Uhhhhh, the guy who did Joe Dirt and, I’m just going to assume here, Joe Dirt 2, is criticizing a person who did not?

I think he meant duck and cover under your elementary school desk?