Dingus likes to make-believe that he’s an “expert” on women because he’s wracked with insecurity over the knowledge that he’s had to pay for every single bit of sex he’s ever had. He can only relate to women from a position of wealth and power, he’s had to bribe and/or buy every woman he’s ever associated with except…

Melania has never even touched him. She was artificially inseminated to give the appearance that he’s still a “virile sexy man”, there’s no way he impregnated her the old-fashioned way. She is a stage wife and nothing more.

It isn’t that he can’t read, it’s that he doesn’t LIKE to read...or think. He believes he already knows everything he needs to know, thus he sees reading things as being a waste of his precious time.

What bothers Donnie Dingus is that every time he sees himself in the mirror he’s reminded that he’s a fat, dumpy, jiggle-breasted, huge-assed, pink-skinned, wispy-haired man baby with a stumpy micro-penis who knows he couldn’t get anywhere near a desirable woman without his money. If he ran, say, a used car lot or…