IT WOULDN’T BE IF WE’D NOMINATED BERNIE, YOU HEATHEN.

Wait, are you telling me Bernie wouldn’t have won all 50 states, set about economic prosperity, ended wars, cured cancer, and found a diet soda that tasted great AND had no calories? I’m shocked.

High school civics class, you have failed me!

For the name alone.

The office next to mine is a past-life/psychic therapist’s. The walls are pretty thin, so I often hear the sessions and want to bang on the wall and yell “girl, get your money back!”

Unless you’re using AP style, which omits the serial comma.

If you really want to survive (and becomea helper/hero to others in the process), look into community disaster planning. I started out by outfitting the usual family-size first aid and survival kits, but it never helped me feel any safer. What did help was joining a community network and taking concrete steps toward…

Now if a freaking wild animal can sit neatly in a seat, WHY do we have to deal with manspreading?

My cat’s specialty is skeins of yarn that are about half used up so they’re loose and floppy. She grabs those things in her mouth and runs!

Remember that episode where the Earths orbit was changed and was moving closer and closer to the sun?

I bought all the stuff to crochet myself the Shark blanket a while ago. Unfortunately, shortly after I also adopted kitten twins, so unless I lock myself away the crochet has been put on hold. I think they’re old enough now I can actually try it again. I LOVE sharks and the room the ‘blanket’ would be in features a…

I don’t know the smell but I know the temperature. Luke warm.

I don’t get the whole mermaid thing— you’re half fish, so are you cold blooded? Are you white fish or fatty fish? Are you in-demand for sushi? What about the original fairytale, where your tongue gets cut out and you die as ocean foam? What about mermen?

I already have straight jackets for my legs. They’re called pants and at no time are they welcome on my person during leisure hours.

William Henry Harrison’s boss move of taking office them promptly dying is looking like a pretty sweet deal compared to what we’re facing.

Hands down. He’s loves gathering intelligence, he’s strategic, he knows all about infrastructure —mainly water works, but still —he’s probably pro-choice and I bet his thoughts on Muslims and immigration are more progressive ...

The ghost of James Buchanan just did a fist pump.

Do they make a thesaurus or style guide with a variety of different ways to express the thought: We are so fucked!

Pennywise would make a better president. “Yes, I may be an intergalactic spider from space that subsists on a diet of the souls of children, but even I understand the importance of maintaining a tentative diplomatic relationship with China to protect our economic interests on the world stage. This go it alone…

He has a guy for that.