Have had these. Can confirm are good. King Arthur Flour clone recipe also good, but does not explicitly include garlic butter sauce, an essential element to the Red Lobster biscuit experience.

the cycle is eternal and never-ending

the forbidden squish

it FORBIDDEN

buy some rice candy instead it comes with a sticker

no the poison MUST look like food it is

Forbidden Snacks.

It sounds like someone tried to explain to him that the border patrol prefers the bollard fence style common on the border over the “old helicopter mats left over from Vietnam” kind and he got confused.

America is capable of electing fat presidents but not, once having done so, avoiding commenting on their weight ceaselessly. See: Taft & bathtubs.

Yellow is best, fight me.

Worth throwing into any mention of Idiocracy is the short story The Marching Morons, about an average man who wakes from suspended animation into a world of idiots, because the idiots bred too much. He finds a solution to this problem. Mysteriously, Idiocracy does not acknowledge an intellectual debt to this work.

…Our country is so bad at naming cities.

Oh, wow, someone didn’t hire me because I’m not white? Well they probably don’t want to kill me, so apparently I should be grateful! O-fucking-kay!

We have nice weather? In some places. Okay, in Southern California. When it’s not on fire.

Fair enough.

If he’s 5'11 or even 6' he could be—that’s a good 20 pounds into obese at that height.

My dad’s whole side of the family is under 5'5" and only one of them is an asshole. Short people don’t deserve this!

There’s also a Nevada City in California, though as far as I know there is no California City in Nevada.

I don’t hold any of my utensils right. Or pens, or doorknobs…I don’t really have great fine motor control, I guess. Some people just kind of suck at using hands, even outside the segment of people with things like arthritis.

Man, I usually get Trader Joes olive oil, but I went to the farmers market and got my sister this fancy super-fresh California olive oil for Christmas and it. Was. Fucking. Amazing. I didn’t know olive oil could taste that good.