“feel like a plastic bag filled with some kind of gel” == ripe hachiya

Once, in middle school, had an assignment where we were supposed to come up with good things about the Crusades. Thought it was fucked up, but still gave her the answers she wanted. Good on Jerome for not answering.

Hard cheese: yeah, go for it. Soft cheese: slightly more of a risk, still not much.

Wow, thanks for the warning. Mid-70s? Eesh.

MAGIC. Will remember if I become wine-cooler-house-level successful.

Does she get ants? My mom keeps all that same stuff in the fridge too (and pastries in the microwave) for the practical reason that anything left out gets ants all over it. Fucking ants.

It is generally considered that being mean to people is mean, yes.

Evil Bob: Not everything I do is evil! Today I invented a new kind of detergent capsule.

…someone’s never eaten a persimmon.

He also probably stole a couple cars back in the day.

Oof, that’s all on you, then. At least it sounds like you came out okay! Glass’ll get you. I once had a piece of glass stuck in my heel for like a month because I thought the lump was just a weird scar.

Apparently Issa didn’t vote for the tax plan, but he’s still definitely in it for the money. He’s just been trying desperately to pretend he’s progressive lately to keep from getting voted out. Guess he figured out it wasn’t going to work!

I liked when people were making fun of him for being on the roof and he got all huffy about it.

Alas, not really, because if you didn’t have the Pyrex reputation in your head you wouldn’t have thrown it straight from the oven into the sink (I know my mom’s old measuring cup handles boiling-to-sink like a champ), whereas people rarely throw their glassware on the floor on purpose.

There is also a lemur walk thing at the San Diego Zoo Safari Park! The new name is horrible, but the park is good.

They changed the formula in the 90s sometime.

Man, I miss real Pyrex. You can abuse the fuck out of those things and even the measurement markings stay on.

Bah, Houston’s full of humidity and mosquitos. I’ll allow natural disasters since everyone gets those, but humidity? That disallows a city from bragging about its weather.

Valley girls don’t deserve this comparison. That sounds like a joke, but I actually very much mean that.

1810 Japan is like…exactly the opposite of a sensible time and place to get travel advice for visiting foreign countries from.