Adam Dunn: That's easy. Watch. I'm juxtapose to hit home runs, but I usually end up striking out instead. If I'm not shitting the bed, I'm probably dealing with consternation. Adam Dunn... more like Adam Dunnohowtotakeawalk, AMELIORATE?!!

Ugh. We were ASKING for such a long response for annoying him

[Reads headline]

"I KNEW IT! I knew there was a reason I loved watching him play, to the point where he gave me gigantic erections I felt compelled to hide!"

[Claps excitedly; shoots 'finger-guns;' flashes 1000-kW smile]
[Bangs Bonds-erection on concrete planter; gets Bonds-erection caught in nearby door]
[Claps…

It's clear he was the cream of the crop.

Orioles pitcher Kevin Gausman was furious after the play, but only because Yoenis Cespedes was selfishly trying to pad the team's runs scored statistic.

in Russia bear laser you!

Prologue