What, do I have to do everything? Tim Conway and the Elephant, the greatest outtake of all time:

I first read the title of this piece as "Elderly Communist Reviews Her Local Applebee's," and I have to say, I'm a little bit disappointed that that wasn't the actual subject of the article, but not as disappointed as you might expect.

I'm partial to Red Lobster myself. Apparently the cheddar bar biscuits are ~300 calories apiece - THAT'S A QUARTER OF MY DAILY CALORIE ALLOWANCE, WHAT THE FUCK - but I'm powerless before a basket of them.

As bizarre as this aesthetic is, it's still better than 99% of her red-carpet looks. But they did seem to incorporate her characteristic shoulder-slump, so bonus points there.

Quick, selective reply: for-profit prisons are unconscionable.