at least GTA is safe, I guess

I think miniaturization has run its fucking course already. Our devices have become increasingly teeny-tiny-itsy-bitsy, and the squinty-eyed, migraine-inducing, finicky finger movements required to manipulate them look so hunched and inelegant — like picking lint out of your navel. Please Apple, start making devices…

Yeah, I mean, it's an iPad.

If you're going to sign your posts, put a line between the signature and the body of the post.

This article is way more informative and self-respecting than the 900 articles TechCrunch has released so far today, as each of their writers sees who can get his or her tongue the furthest into Tim Cook's ass.

This is exactly the thing. A watch with fine complications and materials and shit can last forever. This thing is DESIGNED to be useless inside of a few years.

Best review I've seen thus far. I'd love to see it cross-posted to Gizmodo for the instant stream of vitriolic comment's it'd generate.

They still haven't made anything as good as the 160GB iPod.

I used to be an insufferable prick. Then, I bought an iWatch and now all I can talk about is this incredible piece of technology attached to my arm that also communicates with my iPhone while backing up all the while to my iCloud on my iMac, which also cost about $3,000 but it was totally worth it because my entire…

There's a Kosher bagel place in Reisterstown, outside Baltimore, called Goldberg's Bagels. The town is primarily populated by very conservative Jews, so if you go to get a bagel in the middle of the day, the only other customers are usually young women in long sleeves/floor length skirts/wigs surrounded by small…

Remember, after you peel a shrimp, it's no longer exactly shellfish.

Natural is a made up marketing term. Nothing and everything is natural depending on how you view it.

I'm recently divorced and living alone for the first time ever. It's AMAZING. My ex husband was super critical and I am experiencing freedom like I've never known.

Dude is missing out. He could be lining people up, fisting the shit out of them, and then sell the footage for more money.

Excuse me, San Francisco? MASSACHUSETTS DID IT FIRST.

Holy lord I just looked at that whole list.

I find it as bad as homophobia, if not worse, he's practically saying I should stop programming and become a housewife and breed children.

only carefully placed thermite charges could have broken a man's ribs in the manner seen here

So you're cool with animal rape (bestiality doesn't allow for consent) but men acting like women is FUCKING DISGUSTING, AMIRITE?

"Vaginas don't need lube."