“All I’m gonna do is write essays,” Jefferson said. “I don’t know what they’re going to be. They might be erotic. I don’t know. But I’m just going to write lots of essays.”

Yea, that won’t get coverage because of the collective erection for everything Katie Nolan does.

I think it’s awesome how the players are allowed to add patches to their jersey which let people know which sexual fetishes they’re into. Good for the NFL.

How do Key and Peele feel about this? Does anyone know where they will be appearing soon?

First Kyle transfers. Then Kyler is considering transferring. If Kylest goes, it’ll be really bad.

If you’re U and you don’t know where to go to
Why don’t you go where alumni sit
Puttin’ on the Richt!

This is why I’ll only let my kids participate in non-contact soccer activities, like seven-figure bribery.

“Weird Al” Yankovic has expanded his abilities to parody.

IMG, I haven’t watched a boxing match in years (and was never really a follower of the sport), but I still routinely end up reading your articles because they always deliver. This one’s no different. Thank you for your work.

‘Nuff said.

Next Up: How To Spot If Your S/O Has In Fact Changed Her Hair.

She'll get no sympathy from her roommate, the tiny violin player.

It's great to see a small club have some success against superior outfits. Kudos to Manchester United for nicking a point off of mighty West Ham.

Here's my entry. I would seriously pay money for the above 3DS. I made two versions, to satisfy the people who prefer the image t o show upright while the system is open.

Here's my ideal MM 3DS. I prefer the minimalist limited edition designs.

Manziel may not have been in sync with Gordon, but he clearly made an effort by being high all day.

Typical Cam Newton. If it wasn't "I" 277 it would've been "ME" 277.

Yeah, I bought it on a whim and I was like 'holy shit what is this game?! Where's more? I want more."

I'm not sure why they're calling this a hiatus instead of what it is—MLS is contracting, with plans to expand again with a new, second team in L.A. That team will have a new name, stadium, owners, sponsors, kits, and presumably will not carry Chivas USA's history. This is not "rebranding." It'll be a completely…

Ah, Basewars. I sunk so much time into this game back in the day.