My college roommate once bought a used Hanson cd for 50 cents for this purpose. Turned it on repeat overnight when we were gone and the upstairs neighbors cut their shit out after

I’ve never tried to wear my glasses on my asshole, but I bet they wouldn’t make it any smarter either.

Hector Villanueva, for the sole reason that Haray Caray mangled his name the entire time he played for the Cubs.

Sadly, reality gets in the way of idealism. We all (the reasonable people that is) agree that you should use the minimum amount of force to ensure your personal safety when attacked, but the law can interpret that very differently depending on where you live...

I know that was a typo/autocorrect issue, but I’ll be damned if I’m not going to start calling him “the Cuban” b/c it sounds awesome.

To be fair the first commenter said “in terms of parody,” which I think we can all agree that the NFL is great for....

Torch, it’s easy to forget that you can be thoughtful as well as hilarious sometimes. Nice work.

PUNY HUMAN #1, PUNY HUMAN #2, AND MORBO’S CLOSE PERSONAL FRIEND, JIM HARBAUGH!

What, are you one of those weird mutants with only 300 fingers per hand?

To be fair, it’s pretty tough to shovel when the piles of snow you’ve already shoveled are about 3 feet taller than you are. On the plus side, I did learn that a 16 year old Honda accord can bull through a few inches of snow much better than I expected.

I, for one, appreciate the mental exercise of trying to figure out exactly how much of any given article you’ve made up without referencing any external sources, Torch.

I hope most people didn’t actually need to hear this, let alone people who routinely read foxtrotalpha. I’m prepared to be surprised though.

This *clearly* depends on whether or not all the little microorganisms in the yogurt of the tzatsiki have formed their own biome on your clothing or not.

Has anyone since the invention of the internal combustion engine gone 55 on route 3? You might be able to keep up with traffic going 80.....

Touche! Although I always assumed they just rolled around in shit during the week and the off season, then someone hosed them down before game time.

At least the Cubs are finally better than the Cardinals at something....

I bitched about this on Gawker and got absolutely no response. Hope you do better. Guess I’m obligated to throw a motherfucker in this comment?

I’m going to assume that Charles Haley tried slathering his uniform in poop but was told to change because the NFL ruled it a uniform violation.

The explanation is that Penny Arcade hasn’t been funny in years and I have no idea why it continues to be featured here. The percentage of people that come to Kotaku that weren’t already aware of PA must be pretty small, I would think.

Or you could go with “Barney” in case people don’t get the Dinosaur Jr connection! Seriously though, that is a nice look, even if I wouldn’t personally drive it.