You heard it here, folks! Put the damn toilet lid down, or you hate cats.

“I’m trying to decide if I feel worse for the mom or the daughter. Well, since neither are real,”

I know that making my husband pee sitting down is the truest, purest expression of my feminism.

“My emotionally-estranged babadook of a life partner”

Um, maybe because fathers are still publishing these masturbatory, self-congratulatory essays in earnest?

Is that you dad? Women are still bitches, sluts, and whores to my dad. I’m a woman worthy of respect. But I’m the only woman worth of respest. He reminds me of Donald Trump in that way.

If you don’t know what it is, then how do you know it missed the mark?

right? like, curse this contract that obligates me to read every single one!!!!

As a man who is dating a woman, I did not learn true feminism until she made me wear the ball gag.

who is this

i wasn’t talking to you

A pretty good way to get a dude to fuck u is to be like “Yo dude, you wanna fuck or what?”

“It calls you seconds later and asks, ‘Why do you still have a land line, grandma? It’s 2016. Oh right, seven days...’”

It rings anyway! The Rings!

I watched The Conjuring during the day yesterday and I had to sleep with the lights on. It is the worst thing to like horror movies, have a vivid imagination, and sleep alone:/

So they just like....showed us the entire movie in 2 minutes. Like, all the creepiest parts. Now I don’t have to waste $10 bucks to see it in theatres.

Though I will admit, the original did scare the crap out of me. That and the Grudge. I literally cannot watch that movie without wanting to die. My family likes to bug…

“The Ring” was good. This movie looks like some bullshit.