This one gets my vote. Bonus points because humans are more terrifying than ghosts.

Ok, here goes. Writing this out makes me want to barf. 

I guess maybe you wouldn’t expect something relatively new to be haunted?

I have a baby and he always smiles at random shit over my shoulder and sometimes I wonder...

It’s worse than that. I think the cops are trying to say “Look at what we deal with every day, aren’t we heroes? Don’t you feel bad for us?” They are using a child’s circumstance to elevate themselves, that is highly cynical.