Absolve. Absolve is the word you were looking for.

This girl is extremely lucky, she's only 15 and she's already got the worst day of her life out of the way. Nowhere to go but up from here.

Ditto. Huge Tigers fan and Curtis was practically a saint while he was here. Did all kinds of charity work in the community and in general always impressed me as an incredibly nice guy. How much do you wanna bet SparJar is either a Yankees or Red Sox fan?

Curtis Granderson is one of the nicest people on the planet. If you manage to piss him off, you've definitely done something wrong. Even the Angels fan who did it figured that out pretty quickly. I think you're the one who is a cock.

Well this sounds like something that totally happened. You had Verlander shirsy 10 years ago?

Oh! Well now I feel pretty silly. I mistook you for the original letter writer. I must have missed some bit of context. Whoops. Glad it was good advice at least.

You missed your window this time but the good thing is you're young and you're learning. Even better, you're still in college. You've barely cracked your 20's and I assure you, you're going to be just fine. It sucks, I know. We've all been there. That age is pretty brutal for both sexes with regards to figuring out…

Oh, stabbing is how I pictured it from the beginning. We're on the same page with the stabbing.

I admit, I was quietly rooting for the Pirates last year, as I have some connections to Pittsburgh. But if the success lasts for a few seasons the honeymoon will be over quick. As soon as that happens, Pirates fans will start declaring themselves THE BEST FANS OF THE BASESBALL and I will want to murder all of them.…

I can't wait for that little bitch to retire so Pens attendance goes back down and they move to KC like they should've in 2005, if only to get you people to shut the fuck up. Pens/Pirates fans are the most obnoxious bandwagon fans in all of pro sports. Everyone hates you.

Says the guy who's sole reason for commenting is to whine about liberals being whiny. You are a credit to your people, sir.

Most of the people saying that are speaking anecdotally about people they know in Boulder, CO or Portland OR. Of course they know more extreme liberal freaks who are anti-vax, the demographics favor it. What they don't realize is that for every crusty hippie anti-vaxer in SF, there are a dozen more CC homeschooler AV…

I hate Illinois Nazis.

How many embarrassing typos does it take four you guys two start proof-reading before you post?

When did I get so old that I started siding with the cops? I don't know exactly when that happened, but it happened.

So in other words, you literally only have one tired joke and you can't even articulate that one well. Stated more simply, you're a moron.

Aw, you ran out? Did you run out? Maybe switch to joking about Cardinals fans being the best fans in baseball. The humor is equally as fresh!

I wish I had seen the GG Allin name drop live, that would have brightened my day.

Thats not sad, that's smart. 22 people disappearing in just a few years with no forensic evidence, no browser history pointing to Craigslist and not a chance in hell of the existence of some satanic cult they were a part of? Come the fuck on. That women is full of shit and she's not fooling anyone.

I can't speak for him but for me, punishing people makes me so hard. I'm not physically capable of inflicting the harsh, sadistic brutalizing treatment of another human being that really stirs my drink but it sorta gets me off imagining other people doing it. It's not the same but it's in the ballpark.