My first reaction - All Of Them

I bet she still IS picking up condoms and zig-zags at 3am, but at least they're for her.

Yma was as nutty as a fruitcake apparently, but OMG, that RANGE!

My first love had a ridiculous radio-deep voice. He was a complete asshole but oh my God, that voice.

That's a beautiful line!

Note: Some people maybe just had a bad day and want to yell at someone about something.

Lady, it's freaking food. In 12 hours it will be shit anyway!

I guess he was supplying all his incredibly broke friends who had to bum the change.

Round these parts, we call this fly strike.

Yup. If I had 25k I'd get Gok Wan to take me shopping.

I know, right? Or Michelle Rodriguez? Close enough, already.

Anyone else remember Egg?

I know you really want it to be racist, but it isn't. Maybe you should think about why YOU want it to be racist so badly.

It's not intentional, and it's not racist.

Okay, this is the only time I'm ever going to say this. I have never wanted children and was careful to remain childless, but I think I may have experienced more personal growth if I had been a parent.

I've got a decade on you, and bits of my face are starting to sag. I have a scar on my lip that wasn't visible before that is now a deep crease that makes my partial facial paralysis really obvious. But you know what? I still scrub up okay.

I wouldn't be offended. I'd just take the plate to Table 7.

Well, gee willikers, why are they offended? The note wasn't even TO them.

She's driving and filming. FAIL

Oh, wow, this is beautiful. There has to be a book or at least a website out of this.