Leaving aside all judgment on promiscuity and health concerns, I just feel like this is an awful lot of work for one measly little drink.

Then your name is very fitting.

What if I told you that not everyone has the luxury of being selective about who employs them? WHAT THEN.

Does she fart when she sneezes? Because I have this one friend who is DEFINITELY NOT ME who does that a lot.

My dog farts rhythmically as he runs up the stairs.

My step son showed me a text message exchange of his with the girl he's now dating (they weren't at the time). I read through it, stop, and say, "Dude, you're being creepy. You're not funny. It's creepy. Stop it."

He was stunned. "But that's how my friends all talk to each other."
Me: "Your friends are idiots. Even you…

The best answer I heard for that kind of invitation : "I need to invoice you for the surcharge as you booked only for one. And the surcharge for not telling us when you booked." And then she doubled the rent. When the guy howled for the manager she smiled and told him she was the manager.

I disagree. This could've happened to anyone. Unfortunately it happened to this family. This wasn't murder. This was negligence. Prison or not, this guy's life is ruined.

That sure is some red red watermelon they're eating. So fleshy.

The Handmaiden's Rosebud

Mark, you fucking owed this to us.

THIS DOESN'T MAKE UP FOR THE STORY WHICH SHALL NOT BE NAMED, MARK.

i used to stan for gaga so hard, but ever since born this way i just have no desire to ever hear her name again. and now with this terrible shit? go back to paper gangsta, you peaked then.

I do not understand this term "too sugary" to which you refer.

How about let no-one own a gun?

I sit everywhere. EVERYWHERE. I even sit in outhouses at concerts and stuff! If there's pee on the seat, I wipe, then sit. And not a single boil has ever once besmirched my ass. When you think about it, it's not even your ass that touches the toilet seat, but rather the edges of the thighs. Washing one's hands is far…

Morello?