I always called him Governor Crash Test Dummy.

I feel better knowing I'm not the only one. I wasn't allowed to wear makeup, but my complexion was so horrible as a teen so it would have been pointless, and my mom insisted that long hair was what you had if you were female and short hair was just not happening in her house! My hair is stick-straight (read: hangs…

Not sure I would describe lactation consultants as medical professionals (childfree and admittedly clueless here), but shouldn't they have a better idea of how the human body operates? WTF.

It's like when guys say they want a girl with a sense of humor. That doesn't mean "I want a girl who can tell a joke and make people laugh," it means, "I want a girl who laughs at MY jokes."

Thanks. :-) We're not sure how old she was when my husband found her. We're guessing not quite a week, based on how long it took for her eyes to open. Your Pete must have been practically just born then. I hope he has a long and happy life.

One day my husband called me from work: "Do we have room for another cat?" Why? I asked, knowing/dreading the answer. (We already had four.) He told me he had found a kitten. I was like leave it alone, its mom will come for it, and then he sent me a picture: a tuxedo kitten the size of a small mouse, eyes closed, pink…

Because she climbs trees and splashes in puddles and stuff. But your comment made me laugh so I guess I'm a horrible human being too.

And its companion, Die Struwwelliese! My grandfather, an old Teutonic tyrant if ever there was one, loved to read me that book and remind me, repeatedly, how important it was to be pretty.

I used to work at one of the real-life crime labs represented in the CSI franchise. The show suffered from all of the problems "profession" shows do: one person does the work of three or four; characters have ethical lapses that in real life would get them not just fired, but also taken to trial. Cleavage, unbound…

What they mean is, don't trust other guys. But you can TOTALLY trust him! *wink*

Oh god, I have a coworker who is the "substitute shrimp for the onions...what do you mean, it's an upcharge?!" person. I hate going out with her because on top of that she treats the staff like slaves. The rest of us end up pitching in to leave a huge tip, and while I have no objection to upping the tip, I'm having…

I don't care what you wear, just please make sure you shower.

+1 for Nars Siberia, with Neutrogena DryTouch SPF 100 underneath!

The foundation color I wear is called Siberia, and I wear it proudly. I believe I read this comment here on Jez and have gotten tons of mileage out of it: "I'm whiter than a mayonnaise truck accident at the Republican National Convention."

My parents say that when the maternal instinct was handed out, I got the wrapper. It's totally true. Fortunately they are cool about it, especially since my sister *can't* have kids. Although it's an even bet whether she and her husband would have—they were "meh" about the whole thing before they found out she…

Also that pointy thing in the last bag should be in a crushproof container. Officer safety, people! (Again, sorry...)

The only way I could ease my OCD about it was to assume the package (which is just a ziploc bag and not a real evidence bag) had been heat sealed underneath the evidence tape.

Thank you! Thank you, thank you, thank you! Even if a person couldn't figure out that was an explosion (science is harrrd!) , shouldn't they be smart enough to think, "When was the last time I ever saw a cloud that looked like that? That can't be right," and do an image search?