Lock her up! Lock her up!

Would pay to see Al Franken play Trump in a faux debate with Hillary.

I read that and my face had an involuntary “ooooh” reaction. That’s how I knew it was shade.

Oh ya, that gem. I love it when he explains how these days, thanks to feminists, all you have to do is merely suggest a man looked at you wrong, and he is thrown into prison on false rape charges.

I’m glad you are okay! I was wondering that as well. As we both know, skimpy bikini bottoms are not the outfit of choice when you are having bleeding issues like that. Especially when sitting on a comforter!

You missed all my other points, particularly the part where the fine is supposed to be related to the damage caused by the crime. If you truly believe that there is a statutory scheme in Brazil where people who throw rocks at a gas station and lie to the police are regularly fined $10,000, then I will agree that it’s…

No he’s not being fined. He’s being extorted. A fine is imposed pursuant to a legitimate statute, is reasonably related to the crime, and has a limit imposed by statute that is, again, related to the damage caused by the crime. You don’t impose a “fine” of $10,000 for the misdemeanor crime of causing a few hundred…

I’m actually complaining about what you’re accusing me of. I don’t see the need to make the comparision to her mother at all, and I wish the title of this piece didn’t do it. I don’t think it’s fair to the kid, who will grow up and be wonderful in her own way — whether it’s via beauty or not. I don’t think you should…

If one of your reasons for hating Taylor has to do with her legal battles over copyright infringement, you should go ahead and hate on every popular recording artist. This is true for (almost) all recording artists. They all have large legal teams that spend time (with software, nowadays) searching for and removing…

I think Taylor Swift has always been quite generous with charity. I’m not a fan or anything but the backlash seemed ridiculously over the top to me.

Also, don’t eat an entire small bag of those sugar substitute Peppermint Patties and then go to a Yoga class. Just don’t.

Yeah, anybody can block anybody on Twitter. If the first I hear of you as a person is you up in my @s yelling at me about something (at the same time that THOUSANDS OF OTHER PEOPLE ARE ALSO YELLING AT ME IN MY @S) I would feel no compunction blocking you, and fuck anyone who tells me I am obligated to patiently let…

A man who turns 50 should expect nothing more than a simple family party where his most important gifts are 3 ties, a 10 pack of tightie-whities, and his kids’ begrudging attendance.

I turn forty tomorrow. I am going to get a massage, a facial, and go to a museum all by myself. Low key, no stress, good times.

I’m so glad I’m not the only one who CAN’T STOP LOOKING AT THEM. I’m also kinda sad...she had such nice real ones to begin with!

Proceed then!

Most things are rigged against people who have no idea what the fuck they're doing

“Tyga, caged”

Taylor’s 10 Grammy’s would like to have a word with your 13 nominations and empty hands, Katy.