It depends. Do you have all your hair? I see a Porsche badge in the rearview and we are totally on the lookout for a lame-ass white dude listening to Phil Collins greatest hits. If you could pass for a paunchy dude from Wichita then you might sorta pass for middle age. Sorry. Porsches are just lame as shit.

I’m guessing you’re a lame middle-aged white guy with a bad combover and a cheesy porsche, or you aspire to be one. Thanks for your input though. Very helpful.

Nah, Kessel is especially easy to hate on, even if he’s playing well.

I find Porsche automobiles in general, but particularly the cars, to be very expensive, high perfomance, tacky crap. I began a game with my friends about 10 years ago wherein a bounty would be paid to anyone who could provide documentation of a Porsche sports car being driven, in the wild, by an individual who is not…

Fuck your employer’s protocol, if a woman is being thrown around by a man and explicitly begs you for help, you fucking help her in anyway you can. Take her hand and walk in the restaurant, let Manziel try to violently prevent that from happening. People will help out and you’ll get her somewhere safe.

Right, we suck at it, too, despite having billions of dollars to throw at the problem. Imagine what it’s like to be a poor, third world country trying to do it.

What’s the point of even having a poll when you begin it with a stupid, conclusory statement like “you can’t make good coffee unless you grind the beans minutes before brewing”?

What’s the point of even having a poll when you begin it with a stupid, conclusory statement like “you can’t make…

Hard to believe that an airline run by a nation of 10 million people and a GDP slightly higher than the state of Idaho doesn’t have crack airport security.

Being a drunk idiot doesn’t make you mentally ill, and this is coming from a drunk idiot. Conflating the choice to drink too much with an actual mental illness is sorta the problem here, and it trivializes actual mental illness.

It’d be interesting to know if he’s an attorney. I’d argue that he breached confidentiality by mentioning the nature of the discussions and the fact that he spoke to his doctors (not to mention violating his patient privacy by saying Manziel is under the care of a doctor). Even if he’s not an attorney, there’s got to…

Two years ago I made a drunken call to NHL.com to cancel my online package that I had paid ~$100 for. Wanted to watch the Hawks but live in Utah. I was getting blacked out of games on Arizona TV, which is not available in Utah, and games in Colorado, which has very limited access in Utah. Plus any game on NHL Network…

One of the Not Your Father’s Root Beers was left behind at our house after a party and, being the degenerate alcoholic I am, I ripped it open. I love booze, I love root beer. It was absolutely undrinkable. A five year old would think it was too sweet. First booze I’ve actually poured down the drain in my adult life.

Wow, you solved the mystery. He did it intentionally because you know exactly what happened to Wideman, neurologically speaking (I’m assuming you’re boarded in neurology or some advanced brain specialty), and applied your unerring, razor-sharp attention to detail and impeccable, absolutely irrefutable logic to the…

Yeah, that’s my problem too. The whiskey just disappears, whether it’s fucking E-W or some fancy-pants scotch. That first one just tastes so good and the second and third ones are even better. By the time this went on for a few years I had the tolerance of a Viking and I had to admit that I might have a problems. But…

And because dogs are the fucking best and improve your life in more ways than can be counted.

You can get really fancy and muddle some fresh mint in there with the soda and a bit of lime juice. Zero calories. Unless you really love sweet drinks, you can drink without taking in a serious amount of calories.

Since the girlfriend threatened to move out if I didn’t stop drinking delicious, delicous bourbon I’ve kind of had to settle for a few beers in the evening, maybe some wine. I’ve been expecting my weight to shoot up but fortunately it hasn’t happened. Beer is actually pretty filling and I’ve found that I eat less,…

You’ve got to be kidding. It’s one of the worst movies I’ve ever seen. It’s like Smith got a month into a freshman philosophy of religion class and decided to make a movie lecturing his audience about all the cool shit he was learning. It’s just dumb and santimonious.

He’s not a Canadien, he’s a minor leaguer.

I’m an attorney and I can tell you that most attorneys have this entirely misplaced belief that a letter or request from an attorney will scare anyone into doing anything the attorney wants. It’s fucking pathetic. Clients, especially a huge client like Honda, will also demand that a strongly worded letter go out with…