This, for one:

Who the fuck just stands on rocks, videotaping a fucking crab? The cameraperson was in on this, no fucking doubt.

...they use to puncture holes in the shells of, say, crabs, or mollusks, or babies, or whatever else they want to eat at the time. They then inject venom into their prey, causing paralysis. And then they eat their prey alive by sucking out their innards. We're calling it Keeping Up With The Kardashians.

If any team deserves a mascot who actively hates the organization that employs him, it's the Sixers.

"Sabathia says he'll be stronger if his body returns to its salad days."

"Rip out your eyeballs and disconnect your brain, because First Take is coming up next!"

Bad job by those in charge of the ESPN headlines bar. The Dale Earnhardt feature is already running.

In keeping with Marge Schott's legacy, the Reds only sent over the freebies once the picture confirmed the child was white.

This has been tried with NFL teams before, but all that guy ever heard was: "For the last time, Mr. Cromartie, we're all out of Jets onesies."

As a new parent and also a Browns fan, I did the opposite and filed a restraining order to keep them away from my kid.

Typical, big-shots in Washington never listen.

Yeah, he's not even made out of the same materials as a blanket.

At least those slaves didn't die for nothing. Game on!

He still uses a Blackberry.

For as bad as Trent Baalke might be at hiring/retaining coaches, he has perfected the Abercrombie & Fitch fake football tossing to yourself look. So there's that.

How is the Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue still a thing?

whoa.

Several things I have come across during my days in the Navy while visiting local strip clubs in ports we visited...(if I can recall correctly).

Dear Baltimore,

Normally it's Baltimore doing the apologizing.