Roger Goodell: [shows up to hearing in jeans]

Roger Goodell Doesn't Know What's Going On

Does leaving a comment about having two Irish coffees before 8am count as writing?

Well, apparently having a Pilsner (Victory Prima Pils - quite tasty, though maybe a bit too hoppy for my liking) with a Bratwurst for lunch makes me an alcoholic to my roommate. Of course, he only drinks hard cider, and only 1-2 per week...

sure, we can all tell ourselves whatever stories we'd like (sob)

We know. We have a name for people like you. I eagerly await your rebuttal.

I had completely forgotten that was a thing. Thank you for reminding me.

America's Prince is not impressed by your "royalty," UK.

If you combined Will and LeBron's heads, you may actually have one fully functioning head of hair.

"You don't say? That's crazy, because, just like you, I, as well am not balding at all!"

"typically fantastic performance from DeMarco Murray"

You can't bubble-wrap a quarterback.

Why the fuck did you write this much about Plies?

I'm going to rule out the chance that this is a Corinthians reference.

This gift IS great! Now you don't even have to chase the dead horse after you beat it!

Not recommended for girls under 18

The entire arena was quarantined for exposure to Three-Bol-a.

Hoyer had widespread support inside the locker room. No brainer according to players in there

I am a lifelong Nets fan but regardless, this was one of the cruelest and most upsetting things I have ever seen.