I stayed home and jerked off instead. That's how I spend most of my major life events, really.

Nothing to be ashamed of. Every time I tell my wife we're going one more round before I put her to sleep, I usually immediately go to sleep myself.

See? A man professing his love for another man IS a distraction. QED.

That thing was built on horrible investments, too, so Curt would fit in!

Maybe instead of the Baseball Hall of Fame they should give Schilling a plaque at the Creation Museum in Kentucky.

Zero-chance? Do back-to-back-to-back AAU national championships mean nothing any more?

He was funny. I know it's easy to call him a hack now and pretend he wasn't, but some of his bits hold up pretty well. There's one in particular about getting hit in the balls while playing football that had me dying just last week. (Sirius/XM plays a lot of his older comedy on one of their comedy channels).

Fuck Bill Cosby.

It had been more than a full calendar year since the Raiders last won a game (those salad days of Matt McGloin and Rashad Jennings)

Frankly, Walmart's site is kind of terrible, and a lot of the things buried on the latter pages of that promotion aren't deals at all. If you find something really good that we didn't list though, let me know.

Frankly, Walmart's site is kind of terrible, and a lot of the things buried on the latter pages of that promotion…

(5 months from now)

Microsoft is an excellent nickname for Phil Kessel.

Domi's so committed to Microsoft he walks around in that stance all day to remind people about Power Point

Dave N: So, when you were in the league, who was your toughest opponent?

Why didn't you stop the interview by biting his dick off?

Beats? Great, I'm so excited to follow NFL news more closely! Too soon?

Barry Melrose still works at ESPN? ESPN hasn't done a hockey story in years. I guess if he's still on the payroll, they have to make him do something. Even if that means talking about the Lakers.

Here's some non-gentle satire:

Oddibe McDowell's water bill may be gone, but Oddibe McDowell's water is out there. The same water that washed his hands might be swishing through a fish's gills in the Atlantic, giving it the oxygen it needs to live. The glass of half-melted ice he poured down the drain might have found its way into your glass of…