Because of a bet. That God made with Satan. For kicks.

There's a very popular pizza destination here in Colorado called Beau Jo's; they offer these things called "Mountain Pies." They're actually incredible pizzas. But what they do is offer a TON of toppings/sauces for customization. one of their toppings is Ranch dressing. I do enjoy ranch, but I can't do it as an actual…

Oh man, I didn't realize the disease had spread. I didn't discover it until I went to Antonio's in Amherst, where they put it on chicken-bacon-ranch slices for drunk college kids. It's a huge seller and a huge crime against humanity. (Because I think ranch dressing is gross, you see.)

Wait, so your claim is that ranch dressing - something ostensibly meant to go on leafy green Applebee's salads - is more revolting when put on a pizza with vegetables?

Just Western Mass? You uncultured swine! Ranch is popular as a pizza dipping sauce, or topping in many, many places. It's only revolting if you haven't the right toppings on your pizza. Example: Do you have any vegetables on your pizza? Then you have the wrong toppings on your pizza.