Everyone will want to adopt this dog once they realize that every time he opens his mouth a Pez candy comes out.

All of this could have been avoided had his caddie suggested a different club.

Yeah. Mine was on alert after the first paragraph, but "filthy beast" definitely stuck out. And then this: "I put the phone down and went to the bathroom to freshen up." Said no straight man ever.

Between this and the double dick guy, I've already had my fill of shittily written fiction for the day. Seriously people, take some fucking writing classes. Give yourself SOME character flaws.

Kids who grew up hearing the song, "I Want a Hippopotamus for Christmas" certainly got the wrong impression about those animals.

Don't worry Curt, if being Republican costs you HOF votes, you can just ask the state of Rhode Island to cover those losses, and you'll be in in no time!

As a Republican, Curt should be less concerned with where his votes are coming from and more concerned with suppressing them.

To be fair, he did hit what appears to be the broad side of a barn.

That's nothing. Fox News has been airing its 'End of the World' reel continuously since November 4th, 2008.

Sadly (?) Solid Gold McDonald's is no more... Now it's just a regular McD's without the music/Alan Kulwicki memorabilia.

He was my favorite part of the local McDonald's growing up, where they featured a life-size animatronic version of him on a grand piano.

Might I suggest a better fact checker for New York Magazine:

"Look, unless it's a foosball table with $4000 hidden in it..."

I'll give him the internetz if he finds something to compare to this:

As a Floridian for the first 20+ years of my life who now lives in Minnesota (via Chicago), I can tell you that wide-eyed innocent jubilation last about 24 hours.

Well considering that Buffalo averages 94.7 inches of snow a year and Anchorage averages 74.5 inches of snow a year....I'd say Buffalo knows what snow is. But hey, don't let facts get in the way of pride.

My mom still has a photograph from the winter of 1982 featuring my brother (3 years old at the time), me (4), and my dad posed around a snowman we made in the backyard. My dad passed away when I was nine, and the picture is a cherished piece of my childhood.

My brother has two kids of his own now, 5 and 2, and when…

"A little thing that can turn into anything at anytime."

Hang on folks, I can top this with even less effort!!!!111!!