In my dreams she will get imprisoned, teach all the other prisoners to dance, and put on a performance the likes of which this world has never seen.

What in the actual fuck.

Good. I hope they do. And also shut off the water supplies of people who think having a green lawn is so important that they can wreak havoc on unique ecosystems, food-growing farms, and salmon-bearing waterways.

When I was pregnant I lived on baby carrots and Goldfish crackers my first trimester, because those were the only foods that sounded or smelled appetizing. For. Three. Months. I was quite surprised my daughter was not orange when she came out.

No joke—- I ate literally nothing but oranges and sunflower seeds for three WEEKS when I was pregnant because it was the only stuff I could keep down.

My friend is seven months along now and Canada is starting to get a bit cold, but nothing crazy - I’ve mostly been in sweaters or light jackets this month - and apparently people keep telling her she needs to wear more layers to “protect” the baby. She said she was too hot and someone literally told her “You can’t be…

I almost wish someone had criticized my food choices during any of my three pregnancies. They would have learned more about hyperemesis gravidarum than they ever wanted to know.

it isn’t unreasonable for someone to comment that dyes aren’t really healthy for the baby

Then I’m gonna fuckin take the trapeze class I’ve been meaning to take

I like her.

I was born a Polish human girl, but I really identify with the bradypus sloth. Does that get me any love or ridicule around these parts? I’m adorable, vegetarian, and I only poop once a week!

The more pics people post the more hate I feel.

I bought my boyfriend flowers at a trendy little flower shop in LA a few months ago and the lady who helped me put a bunch of cabbage in the arrangement. I asked her to take it out, saying “I don’t really like those. They look like cabbage.” She was very unimpressed. “That’s what they are.” It felt weird to be made to…

Yes and maybe it’s just me but those look like giant, swollen purple penises studding that arrangement. I’d giggle, hell I am giggling.

It’s had to be running in every car I’ve even been in, so I think they are claiming they left their car running the whole time they were in the restaurant. Which,... yeah, right..

Seriously. SO SORRY your vacation is ruined by your unborn baby that you supposedly wanted.

You know, when the truth finally comes out, we may not like it, but it’s a relief to finally know what’s really going on (inside your enemy’s mind).

After two weeks? My body was still leaking from everywhere and no sleep was happening. I would have needed a donut pillow for my desk job, but can't imagine what I'd need to make it through a day on my feet at that point! Two weeks?

Fuck, that is so badass.

I got exhausted just reading the description of the training. I would never be cut out for something like that. These women are clearly badasses. As for the dudes who think they shouldn’t serve, women really can’t win. They pass the same physical and mental exercises, like you demanded, and now you don’t want them to…