@pissiechrissie: Yeah, I was just trying to think of the stereotypical rural guy who might not be familiar with somebody like Gaga. I was born in Nebraska, not throwing stones here.

Magic Johnson would kill for a test score that's only 14% positive.

@Eddie Murray Sparkles: +1

I'm sure she can afford to fly first class, or charter private planes or whatever, but part of me desperately wants to think of her taking a middle seat in coach next to a poor Midwestern fellow traveling to visit his sister who has no idea what the hell is going on.

@Paul Allen: I was this close to making a Big Johnson shirt reference, but I couldn't for the life of me remember any specific ones.

@UweBollocks: Outstanding breakdown. Great hustle.

@MarkKelsosMigraine: Clown-painted posers that support and follow the Insane Clown Posse.

Adjust your t-shirt collections accordingly.

That popular strain of brain trauma

Yeah, only children don't have it that bad, until they try to play tag with their stuffed animals. It's not very sporting.

Foolish man. Vertical spandex stripes are much more slimming.

@Lionel Osbourne: Santa finally decided to put those rumours about him not being real to rest.

To the surprise of nobody, Chlamydia Monday emerged as the result of Casual Sex Friday.

I'm going to have goggles on, duct tape over the mouth and either a wetsuit or raincoat

@this_charming_one: I was just thinking, the only good thing about this is that she'll invariably get nervous and then decapitate him.

@UweBollocks: Thanks very much!

It's easy to say it doesn't pass the smell test. It's hard to figure out how to make it smell good.

The picture of her on the football players shoulders was really just a case of mistaken identity. At the conclusion of her on-air report she threw it back to the wrong anchor, so these guys just assumed she was Peyton Manning.

@Eddie Murray Sparkles: It would be ab-solutely ridiculous for this to go unnoticed.

Muggsy Bogues was kicked out of a Gap Kids for the same reason.