@vodkanaut: Great minds my good man, great minds.

David Beckham. Fucking a robot for all these years has left him rather desensitized to regular old poon.

@Eddie Murray Sparkles: Holy shit that's awesome. You continue to amaze me.

An outsider in tight jeans, but an outsider.

You're with me, pleather.

I actually lost about 40 pounds.

@The_International_Poise_Conspi...: You are wise as always my friend.

@AzureTexan: I heard she likes it when you get a little orange roughie with her.

She went on to express concern about AzureTexan, but it turns out he just ate some bad shellfish.

Judging from her aviators I can only surmise she didn't have time to put on pants because she's late for a date with Kelly McGillis after losing track of time while playing volleyball with Val Kilmer and Anthony Edwards.

There's a similar website where you can do this with Danny Manning, but it's just a bunch of pictures of dangling knee ligaments.

On a related note, the Washington Nationals are having Jimmy Carter give a demonstration on hostage negotiation, while Bill Clinton gives the ladies in the ticket sales department a demonstration of blowjob negotiation.

Never, ever, ever make a girl feel weird about her body.

They're trying to play it off as nonchalant courtside chatter, but they're actually discussing the contract price for a hit on the bastard that gave him that haircut.

@Gottliebs Cards: Nice

To celebrate his contract Brady was going to buy everyone on his offensive line a new Audi. After yesterday's incident, however, he's lost faith in the automobile's safety. So he decided to just purchase Mr. Rodrigues' entire family and give all his lineman their own Hispanic person.

@Eddie Murray Sparkles: You're awesome

I expect this trend to quickly die out once Al Davis' wet nurse leaks a photo of him in Raiders footie pajamas.

@Arthur_Digby_Sellers: Nice

Happy birthday Deadspin. I don't have any money, so I got you some free sauce packets from Taco Bell. Don't worry, I got the mild ones.