It's me. I'm taking this one for the team. The title of Biggest Whore belongs to me and my line in perpetuity. Thus ends all debate forever of who is a bigger whore.

Respectfully

Right Honorable Agent Tremble, Biggest Whore

I really don't think this would look anywhere near as bad without the crowbarred wisecracks telling me what I'm supposed to think between every paragraph. I'm struggling to find anything wrong with this, and I'm not even a Jack White fan.

Wow, I never thought I'd say this, but — Team White

Blow job week?

thanks for your super nice notes! I'm the Heather. You can follow me and my mom @wear_a_helmet

My mom lent the books to my grandmother, who claimed she would read them but proceeded to dodge all questions about them. The books were found a year later stashed in a drawer in the hallway, where I presume my grandmother thought she had trapped satan and kept the household safe from his evil.

O H M A N. Jessica, Charlie A N D Guillermo? Scary spirits? I'm in.

I've only had one girlfriend (out of 5 serious ones) who was really into it. It was awesome. I think the prep work that needs to be done, both by the fucker and the fuckee, can't be stressed enough. In my experience, it was never a spur of the moment thing like when a porn star just says, "I want you to fuck my ass,"…

It's hilarious that you think getting pussy blood on your dick is somehow worse than getting shit on your dick.

I wanna be 'famous' the way like, obscure academics are 'famous.' No one I don't know knows what I look like, but several hundred people I've never met know who I am.

but there's no War on Women, noooo, don't be hysterical

That tag is too good

I envision myself on like, Hoarders: Beauty Edition, crying and clinging to my expired tubes of mascara and eye cream samples. "No, not those! THOSE ARE GOOD!"

hahahaha i love this. i fucking love cats. they're so stupid and amazing and hilarious.

I expect to see many pictures of all your cats in boxes.

I just started doing barre and I really like it. I used to do pilates and I liked that too.