That’s a whole lot of words to devote to a useless sack of shit...

And a very special episode featuring guest star Xenu...

BOOGERRRRRRRRRRR!

Thanks, Hanks.

Tom Hanks is partly responsible for this. After all, he named his son “Chet.” There’s no coming back from that...

Who knew that his line in Christmas Vacation about pissing himself and forgetting who he is for half an hour whenever his wife uses the microwave wasn’t even a joke?

Yeah, but how does it stack up to its sequels, European Violation, Christmas Violation, and Vegas Violation?

You call yourself junior hoodlums? I call you SENIOR JACKASSES!!!

Amen, brother...

I stopped reading when I saw Saving Private Ryan at #5...

“Kelly MacDonald’s character in the other hand did nothing to deserve to die. She crossed the path of a demon. I find that far more cruel, by the film makers. Every character in Blood has agency, even if they don’t know it.”

Okay, now that sounds like Carl...

There’s no way Carl eats feta. He thinks Velveeta is too “fruity” and “European”...

I’m not sure if you’re serious or not, but that was most certainly the joke I was making...

You’re not going to like this then. Here’s an excerpt from Mumford & Sons’ new album:

The English definitely need help with comedy. I mean, they wouldn’t know a laugh if it came up and bit them on the Monty Python...

Oh, please don’t bring David Mitchell into this...

That’s Mark Hamill? Christ, I would have guessed it was Jackie Earle Haley...

That kitten isn’t even American!

It’s a cheap Facebook sentiment...