Isn’t it funny that the God who created the whole, wide, largely empty universe is concerned with weird shit like this? It’s so odd how all his obsessions happen to sync with a bunch of dudes who lived in the Middle East a couple thousand years ago. Almost like a bunch of sexist dudes just made the whole thing up.

Here’s a stick and some dark glasses. Now get your blind ass out of my office.

Every Republican congressman who reads this story, inside their head: well, he was just a fag anyway.

The point is, if there were a shooter, it would be one hundred percent understandable for the kids to be trying to get away as fast as possible. Police didn’t mow down the people fleeing from the Aurora movie theater shooting, did they? They don’t sweep college campuses undergoing live shooter alerts and kill any kid…

That’s how “they” will save money on healthcare. Everybody is too scared to go to the doctor since there will be a record of pre-existing conditions. If you go to a doctor early to avoid consequences, you can’t afford insurance. So you don’t go for checkups for fear of being labeled.

I used to work there, and furthermore bills generally don’t mean much by themselves. They tend to say things like “in subsection 4(A), change effective January 1, 2020 to effective January 1, 2020 subject to approval by the Board as established in subsection 19(C).”

“People don’t ask that question, but why was there the Civil War? Why could that one not have been worked out?”

A number of “fake news” organizations were reporting about this last year. Most of the presidential candidates tended to speak in a 6-8 grade level, though 45 tended to lag behind. This was a marked drop from prior years.

Nah, fuck ‘em. Fuck all this “need to be nicer to the fucking morons” shit that the left has been pushing in elections. If the alt-right wants a war to prevent them from installing fascism, then let’s give them a war.

Except fetuses, cops, guns and rich white guys.

A brief word for my main man, Jeff Sesh:

cue Jeff Sesh “some judge on a bay in the Pacific”

I’ve been thinking with my guts since I was fourteen years old, and frankly speaking, between you and me, I have come to the conclusion that my guts have shit for brains.

I hate Donald Trump as much as anyone, but his kids are worse and piss me off even more than their cretin dad.

Oh come on. It’s not as if Trump would hold a grudge or retaliate if these people didn’t buy from his kids. I mean that would just be way outta character for him.

“If there’s no wine, I swear, I will send Angela to the corner market to get us some. ‘Come to the summit,’ she said. ‘It will be fun,’ she said.”

Imagine being so clueless that you think this is a cute little story and not incredibly shitty & fucked up.

Ivanka was so embarrassed, she spent the remainder of her time in Germany using her alias: Adrienne Vittadini.

I don’t like to use the word hate but I totally fucking hate that entire family.

What do we think Christine Lagarde is thinking there? My guess is something along the lines of, “I am the head of the IMF. I was the head of an international law firm. I’m even a known fashion icon. Who is this little person sitting next to me? Why is she speaking? What has happened? Is this my life?”