Ellie, you know damned well that he couldn’t spell pneumonia correctly.

Huh, I guess my dog looks up to Chuck Johnson.

They voted down the covalent bond issue

Passels of assholes!

It's against the law to crop out Texas.

Holed up in the new campaign headquarters, Donald Trump could not be reached for comment.

Eric Trump also tweeted a photo of his father from last nights rally.

Okay, I actually didn’t blame *you*, just “the interwebz” and she found it hilarious, so I think we’re both in the clear!

I hate when my razor does this to my face. Or when my closet does that to my body.

his book’s characters are “halifax corduroy and mickey montauk”. subtlety is not this dude rockers strong suit.

Nolan is from Florida. He’s contractually obligated to hate Georgia.

I did. I thought that.

I find myself critiquing that outfit the Johnny from Airplane’s voice.

I never thought she did it until I saw this picture.

“Chris, I want...maybe need you to come with me to this.”
“No problem, honey.”
“This is going to be really hard to go through and you’re support has always carried me through hard times.”
“You know I’d do anything for you.”
“I know. And that’s why I’m going to ask, this is a big deal and there’s going to be a lot of…

if not for the letterwoman’s jacket, i’d suspect his luggage was searched and seized for illegal poutine or the like, and he was forced to create a new outfit from the airport’s lost and found.

As Gregor Samsa awoke one morning from uneasy dreams he found himself transformed in his bed into a gigantic bear. He was lying on his furry, as it were hirsute, back and when he lifted his head a little he could see his formerly bald belly now covered with brown hair on top of which the bed quilt could hardly keep in…

Looks like somebody should have introduced him to:

Ashley, I wish I could explain why this needed to happen. Just know, this needed to happen.

Thank you for reminding me of this. Because I am not mature, I just pulled it on my daughter and blamed you. :P