“International Federation of Bodybuilding president Rafael Santonja”

So that leaves the White House Press Secretary position down to Omarosa or Matt Drudge, right?

nah

It’s that look... like when you squeeze out a fart, but maybe shit yourself.

But he began with an advantage that 99% of Americans would never enjoy.

but he’s not a successful businessman. If fact, everything he’s done on his own has been an abject failure. His focus is going to be figuring out ways to funnel public money into his pockets.

Obama: “If we are going to get through the next four years, we need to spread the Love.”

It’s reassuring to see that we’ve voted in another man of color as president.

What does he get rid of first: Health care for about 20 million people, or that MLK bust?

It’s an unedited copy of the closed captioning. We’ll get a cleaned up version, I’m sure, but in the meantime, these aren’t Deadspin’s errors. They’re the closed captioner’s errors. I mean, except for the parts that aren’t sentences and/or don’t make sense, that’s all Donald.

Because she has not yet won Florida, North Carolina, Pennsylvania, Michigan, and New Hampshire.

I’m calling in sick tomorrow so I can drink myself into oblivion tonight.

“Uh...okay, what you’re seeing now isn’t technically bullying, but they do seem to be ganging up on her...”

My grandfather died without ever having seen the cubs win the world series. So, my Dad, ever the crazy asshole he is, brought a radio out on the porch so gramps could listen in from heaven. We all thought he was going out there to jack off, but nope he was going out there to be with his Dad, which I thought was sweet.…

because if he put that glass down it would tip over.

Ways to get a Vegemite infection.

Mount St. Helens 2016!

Pence: [shows up to party event wearing “Vote Pedro” t-shirt]

They turned his legs into linguine.

After it was all over, he took us in the house and served us pancakes.