“We commend Ishmael for not taking his frustrations out on another human like many of our athletes previously would have. This is another step in the right direction for Baylor athletics.” - new Baylor AD

Update (9:53 a.m.): Diniz has just collapsed on the course.

Commentator, in crisp English accent: Folks at home may be asking themselves, “How will he finish?” And, well, Depends.

But. @realDonaldTrump is still active!

Meanwhile NOBODY is commenting on the fact that they photoshopped the WRONG SPACESHIP into the poster?! That’s clearly a sub-photon-class-8 sub-cruiser at best, and anyone can tell you that ship wouldn’t make the distance needed to travel to Earth. The readers of Jalopnik-Alpha-Centauri had this to say…

To be fair, Lochte probably doesn’t know the difference.

As bufuddling as this is I have to remember that Lochte, while not the brightest bulb while sober, was drunk with his pals that night. Not an optimal condition for remembering details, especially for our dog paddling human Labradoodle. Watching the video the guys aren’t laughing, but Lochte slaps one guy with his…

I saw a pretty good documentary about that a while back

Lochte said there had been one robber, while Feigen allegedly said there had been more than one.

I got robbed once with two friends while walking to the Hell-Osco on Milwaukee Avenue in Chicago. Following that ordeal, what started as a grocery run turned into a marathon beer and shot session (with many free rounds when we retold the hold up story). Adrenaline works in strange ways.

LAWYER: You can never go back to Brazil.
Lochte: Man, but I really enjoyed Europe!

As an Olympic swimmer, Lochte has called the experience, “The second most painful Brazilian of my life,”

Guy needs to be Lochte up for his apooling lies.

Some people might think he’s making this up because he’s just so thirsty. But if he wasn’t robbed, how do you explain him being so scared his hair turned grey?

Oh, and why is worried about the trailer, and not the WANG SHAPED POND only a few blocks away?

So by the same measure, if it’s subjective, lets play a what if game.

I demand an apology to capybaras right now!!!

I prefer the story about how James Cameron almost let Ed Harris drown when filming The Abyss, so Ed Harris punched him in the face.

I see they're already regretting the decision to use UFC referees in the Olympics.