If only the battery hadn’t died Skeezer and Droopy would have made it to the car in time to beat the cops.

Please remember — Jesus is the Reason for the Season.

Old joke worth repeating.

Use the money to buy the needed medicines from the other manufacturer and distribute for free through charitable organizations.

Taking bets on Shkreli dead pool. Suicide or homicide within two years.

When I was five I believed in God, Jesus, and the Holy Flying Spook. When I was eight I learned about science, history, and mythology. Goodbye deities—hello doubt and wonder!

Didn’t know she was once a man named Antonio “Testtickles” Carmine when she was “cut” for skimming from running numbers. Juicy Joe was formally Wendy Wetness before transitioning into a goomba.

Not to worry. In a few years cheap clothes will be produced completely by machinery in America so these workers will have more time to relax and have more kids.

After Bruce/Caitlyn had surgery Kris had the testicles implanted in her cheeks as they were almost new and hadn’t been used in years.

Do Hurley and Oprah use the same photoshop retoucher?

Waiting until someone actually accomplishes something before posting will also benefit the climate by eliminating the massive amounts of hot air emanating from Facebook and Twitter.

Fortunately for Trevor Fitzgibbon he’s free to take Denny Hastert, Josh Duggar, War Machine, and Bill Cosby as clients to rehabilitate their PR images.

Listening to Claire and you might be a spirit animal much sooner than you want.

The danger of homemade infused oils.

I know it must be difficult living with sickness.

Would like to see the look on her face when she finds out that Justin Bieber is not only banging her sister, her mother and Caitlyn, and also giving hand-jobs to Lamar.

If they’re going to Ethiopia will they be packing their own flies (Harry Winston flies at $400.00 each) or just slumming with the domestic flies (camel dung flies are $2.00 per million)?

Not cow patties, rather “500 Days of Allie Jones’” self-indulgent rambles masquerading as sub-par writing.

Those jets of plasma are representative of the never-ceasing dumbing-down of Kinja from substance to gaseous effluent.