Dude, scallops don’t have families.

Wait.... what? People do this?

Alright, my husband and I were building a cabin and living in it at the same time and didn’t have running water for about 2 years. So we showered at the gym during that time. It never once occured to me that people might be getting it on in there. Ew. And like, where? Are British gyms…

I’ve gotta say—my batty ex-MIL used to cook some WEIRD SHIT. She’d always be trying to use up like a teaspoon of whatever. One time she put granola on top of corn chowder. What the fuck lady?! Until I ate some and it was epically delicious—the sweet nutty crunch + creamy onions and corn= amazeballs.

I really want to be super excited about Bernie Sanders, but I feel like the DNC is a giant bag of rotting dicks and definitely won’t give him the nomination even if he did win it. Cause I mean... who counts the votes? My spouse and I are basically just trying to pick a new country to move to at this point.

I have had enough of this woman. For being so fond of the bible, she apparently hasn’t read Timothy.

“But I suffer not a woman to teach, nor to usurp authority over the man, but to be in silence.” 1 Timothy 2:12. #alsointhebible

I was conscious for my c-section. Wouldn’t recommend the experience but it certainly put getting fillings into perspective.

I made it 20 minutes into Timeline, at which point it had already strayed so far from the book I’d enjoyed that I ragequit. That movie pissed me off. Maybe the rest was alright though?

This is a really cool chart. I love charts. But I feel dirty now.