The only explanation for what the Bears did on draft day is that Future Ryan Pace stepped out of the TARDIS and said to his present day self, “Whatever you do, you MUST draft Mitchell Trubisky with your first pick! Five Super Bowls!” and then a white haired older dude leaned out and said, “Ryan! The Cybermen wont…

He plays center field ... so I imagine he has at least average foot speed. I believe the word Mr. May is looking for is: bunt.

“[...] and something called Paul Zipser is delivering solid minutes off the bench.”

And Rick James will be lurking with that right hand surprise! “I’m Heavenly Rick James, bitch!”

Unless that was her earpiece she’s fiddling with—isn’t it the production booth’s job to say, “Coming back to you Natasha in 5 ... 4 ... 3 ... 2 ... 1!”

Why hasn’t this actually happened yet? I don’t understand why women aren’t controlling the world.

It’s worth noting that depending on what game mode you’re playing, the XP rewards are higher. If you’re just sticking to Versus A.I. with other co-op players, you’re going to be grinding forever. But if you jump to Quick Match, there XP gains are doubled. If you jump to Ranked play the XP is higher, plus you get bonus…

I have a Jewish friend at work who doesn’t look Jewish and doesn’t have a “Jewish” family name. He regularly informs me when people comfortably say insanely racist shit about minorities when no one is around. You wonder, are these people trying to be funny? Or do they really feel this way.

Yeah ... I had a long-time/childhood friend try and recruit me for one of these things and it was actually kind of scary. He sounded like he was a part of a cult—very modified speaking skills and diction. At first I was amused, then uncomfortable and ultimately angry. I knew he was struggling and he was putting a lot…

“We have to give some credit to the American people that they’re somewhat intelligent and that they know the difference between an opinion show and a news show,” Hannity opined.

How long have there been commercial breaks after the kick-off? I feel like, until about 5 years ago, I never really noticed it. But one day I watched a touchdown, extra-point try (successful) and then they went to break. “Bears get set to receive the kick-off—after the break.” We return from break, the kick-off…

I wonder what it feels like to be married to someone, and then kick your spouse to the curb, then move on to someone else. Only later, you marry that someone else and then find yourself kicked to the curb while they move on to something else.

Is this officially a Rain Man situation yet? Is Ivanka the only thing that can calm him down from one of his manic episodes? This would certainly explain why she is never more than a few feet away from him.

This is the most reprehensible part of the story. They ignore the actual trauma they can measure and instead raise possibility of some other cause—which can conveniently never be ascertained since they destroyed all the evidence.

I remember the first time Harrelson left the booth ... become the White Sox general manager. That turned out to be an unmitigated disaster. I was sad, because I missed his on-camera connection with Tom Paciorek.

I’m confused ... is this a bad thing?

So, can we officially call these instances “A Steve Harvey Moment”? Because that’s immediately what came to my mind.

Those god damn sink holes open up in the most unlikely places. Now swallowing whole houses!

When I was 6, I complained to my mother “Beans and franks for dinner again?” I will never, ever forget the pained look of hurt on her face or the embarrassment that materialized shortly thereafter as she replied, “This is the best I can do right now. And it’ll be beans and franks for dinner tomorrow too.”