I have a Jewish friend at work who doesn’t look Jewish and doesn’t have a “Jewish” family name. He regularly informs me when people comfortably say insanely racist shit about minorities when no one is around. You wonder, are these people trying to be funny? Or do they really feel this way.

Yeah ... I had a long-time/childhood friend try and recruit me for one of these things and it was actually kind of scary. He sounded like he was a part of a cult—very modified speaking skills and diction. At first I was amused, then uncomfortable and ultimately angry. I knew he was struggling and he was putting a lot…

“We have to give some credit to the American people that they’re somewhat intelligent and that they know the difference between an opinion show and a news show,” Hannity opined.

How long have there been commercial breaks after the kick-off? I feel like, until about 5 years ago, I never really noticed it. But one day I watched a touchdown, extra-point try (successful) and then they went to break. “Bears get set to receive the kick-off—after the break.” We return from break, the kick-off…

I wonder what it feels like to be married to someone, and then kick your spouse to the curb, then move on to someone else. Only later, you marry that someone else and then find yourself kicked to the curb while they move on to something else.

Is this officially a Rain Man situation yet? Is Ivanka the only thing that can calm him down from one of his manic episodes? This would certainly explain why she is never more than a few feet away from him.

This is the most reprehensible part of the story. They ignore the actual trauma they can measure and instead raise possibility of some other cause—which can conveniently never be ascertained since they destroyed all the evidence.

I remember the first time Harrelson left the booth ... become the White Sox general manager. That turned out to be an unmitigated disaster. I was sad, because I missed his on-camera connection with Tom Paciorek.

I’m confused ... is this a bad thing?

So, can we officially call these instances “A Steve Harvey Moment”? Because that’s immediately what came to my mind.

Those god damn sink holes open up in the most unlikely places. Now swallowing whole houses!

When I was 6, I complained to my mother “Beans and franks for dinner again?” I will never, ever forget the pained look of hurt on her face or the embarrassment that materialized shortly thereafter as she replied, “This is the best I can do right now. And it’ll be beans and franks for dinner tomorrow too.”

This is infuriating. I mean ... I know its fun to get outraged at mosquito bites, but fuck me!

How is this not at least a double minor? Good Lord Stanley ... would he have had to hatchet him with his stick? He gave the dude The People’s Shoulder to the puck carrier. It’s not like nobody was watching.

First of all, if I were coaching the team none of the players would ever do it. Second, if I saw it happening I would call a time out myself and remove the kid from the game.

Unsportsman-like conduct. This is a good move by the ref.

What a bullshit way to lose a game. Damn! And I’m a Bulls fan!

Well ... if you’re buying, I’m up for a beer. See? There’s an example of my smartness. I get a free beer while you get to feel better in my presence.

I am happy to say that I called it after Durant defected to the Warriors: Russell Westbrook was prime to average a triple double. “Nope! Not in today’s league!” the naysayers said. The guy is Sonic the Hedgehog and the Energizer Bunny all rolled up into one. With no peer on his team, I knew he would end up having to…