Whether this asshole is a parent or not, he has clearly never parented.

Taking “Junior” to the hospital is a totally valid use of a sick day under basically every rule out there. What the fuck.

The movie was based on his autobiography, and detailed his life as he had lived it up until that point. As a listener and fan, I don’t ever find myself thinking that he isn’t being totally honest about or taking responsibility for his actions. I always thought that transparency was the backbone of his entire career.

I don’t know how to embed things but this one cracked me up.

even though there is a section in the ca tax exemptions and exclusions codes called items required for the necessity of life, tampons are still taxable, and the sale of used floating mobile homes is not.

And yet, they get upset when you call them this.

Really? She’s worse than Dukakis? She’s worse than Kerry? She’s worse than her husband (who won twice)? No, she’s not. Never was and never will be. And, yeah, she’s better than Trump.

Sam Bee is not obligated to support your quixotic dream of remaking our democracy at the expense of our actual democracy.

Admission: I like it when people appropriate my culture. It feels like acceptance. Is that odd?

As a British Columbian, I gotta say, not interested.

Well, I think this woman has danced behind Beyonce for an entire tour. She’ll be dancing again tomorrow. Winning a gold medal? There’s no guarantee you’re going to do that again so you should get to enjoy your moment as long as you want. So... different.

Evans had one tweet about enjoying watching Patton Oswalt mocking Shkreli, and Shkreli has been losing his damn mind about it ever since:

Ok, I am admittedly really really really bad at this, but I need a ruling. Her follow-up (the full one, not what’s written above) is shade, no?

Seriously. And the fact that they’re so judgmental about her recovery? News flash. Recovery from anything isn’t a pretty process. There is no finish line.

I’ve always liked Bethanny in smallish doses. She’s a hustler and quick witted, two things I have mad respect for. But goddamn...she is mean as a fucking snake. Her hostility toward Jules was just gross. Jules is obviously a low hanging fruit; not as quick on the draw and wears her vulnerabilities on her sleeve. The…

I want to tell Dolly all my problems and then have her sing Joline to me!

This is kinda me being a pedant but I do think it’s actually an important point.

God. She’s so young.

I’m not so sure. At least a parking cone has a useful purpose.