We take the rules of pop-culture hypotheticals very seriously around here.

I almost defaulted to saying "actually that was OJ…"

I can do whatever I want! I won the MVP in '79! I'm Keith Hernandez.

Also, baseless would mean I didn't explain myself. Calling my thoughts baseless and stupid is pretty baseless, to be honest. One might even call it stupid.

Also, as an example of modern-day American football strategy, see the timed Time Outs called when a kicker is about to kick a field goal.

Except that all of that strategizing is done via headsets from a booth above the stadium with laptops in front of everyone. All of that is seen (and far more interestingly) when the play develops, not in between.

It's not the bottom of the barrel of loneliness, it's one of the last bastions of real freedom.

Who can forget that career-defining role in Billy Madison?

He is incredible in that episode of Black Mirror.

What's weird is I hate American football because it has a sickening amount of REAL injuries. And more and more of those injuries seem to be happening to non-players (i.e. wives) off the field.

What's "American" is spending an entire season of hard work and strong play only to be denied a championship because of one game.

Ludicrous because it's factual? It absolutely is.

I eagerly anticipate the gratuitous butt shots of Miranda… I mean Yvonne.

I'm not sure the extent to which you're joking here, but that's a pretty big oversimplification of baseball analysis.

Clearly you've never watched a 1-0 playoff baseball game.

A lot more happens in soccer than in American football on a per second basis. Scores are not the only event in sports.

You misspelled Jeem

Don't forget the in-game commercials! Like that new episode of Two Broke Girls you can't wait to watch!

A 2-1 soccer match has exactly as much scoring as a 14-7 football game. But I read once that most people get extremely turned on by large numbers, so I guess it makes sense. Just think about how everyone loved long division.

All that happens during downtime in the other sports though.