THe vegetarian stuffing at this years dinner? NO CELERY. None. But it does have bourbon soaked cranberries. Also, I am considering just bringing the bourbon along for fun.

“Mmmm....mashed potatoes....need more bourbon.”

“These buttered rolls are excellent - just needs a touch of bourbon.”

An evil thought just occurred to me: BEST BIRTHDAY GIFT EVER for that greedy obnoxious kid who won’t speak to your child any other time of year but invites them to their party for MOAR PRESENTS. Or for the child of that obnoxiously irritating perfect-playground-mum. Win.

Wow – these are almost as good as Bag O’ Glass™.

I have to agree with you. It’s part of being a kid. In the end, if the kid gets a haircut, consider it a life lesson for them. Hair grows back. It’s not like these are lawn darts.

Wussies.

Pro tip: creamy peanut butter will get anything out of your child’s hair, from bunchems to bubble gum.

I had my first kid young (21) so I was the first of my friends and generation of my family with kids. So I got ALL THE HORRIFIC TOYS from my non kid having peers. They all have small children now and I have a loooooong memory...

Because they are basically legos for the non-engineer types. Want to make a kitty? Instead of finding the right size and type pieces like you would in lego, you just squeeze a bunch of these suckers into shape like burr play-doh and you are done!

So basically they are the industrialized version of the shit I have to cut out of my dog’s matted fur every fall. The progress humankind has made...

Those people are the worst. I’m a nanny and their parents are like, “yeah you can’t watch them every second...feel free to throw them outside and read a book when you need some peace and quiet.”

Hands up... How many of us have either stuck some toy up our nose, or convinced a sibling to do so, as a child?

I don’t see what the big deal is here. I feel like it’s important for every kid to have some sort of ‘toy stuck somewhere it shouldn’t be’ story to tell later in life. My sister has eggs in her ears, I went the conventional button-in-nose route. Asymmetrical hair cuts will be really popular in the new year.

I just want to get in here before the flood of “why aren’t you supervising your children” comments to say, preemptively, fuck off.

This reminds me of an essay Barbara Kingsolver wrote, panicking over a novel she’d written that contained some SXXX. The scenes weren’t particularly porny or anything and a friend asked her what the deal was. Barbara wailed “What if my mother reads it????”

Cue everyone in a teenage girl’s voice: “Ewww, daaaaaad!”

link please

This is terrible because I have a friend named Belinda and she also loves to cook.

You could publish all of the dirty letters I used to write my girlfriend in highschool. I was good. About 5 years after school, I saw her mom and she said to me “Yeah, I found some of the letters you used to write.” That was it. That’s all she said. Although she said a lot more with the deep piercing look of her sweet…

Only slightly less traumatizing than my friend who found out her dad has a website where he un-ironically reviews porn he’s watched.

Belinda fucking every kitchenware salesman she a meets