poopfacejohnson
Poopface Johnson
poopfacejohnson

My mom used to make homemade playdough which was basically flour, salt, and water, and I loved the saltiness and would take little chunks of it and go hide behind the armchair in the living room and eat it, but it also had food coloring in it so you could totally tell what I’d done because my mouth would be stained

The first one that really hit me that I remember was River Phoenix. I was a Junior in High School in 1993 and was sleeping over at my friends house. In the morning I was coming up the stairs from her basement bedroom and she yelled down the stairs at me that River Phoenix had died last night and I just sort of

This is the only time I can ever remember having a good comeback come to me immediately in the moment instead of several hours later and then every night as I’m trying to fall asleep for the rest of my entire life.

I’m like 87 years late to this thread and I’m gray so this probably won’t be seen, but I felt like sharing.

I started my freshman year of college at a small liberal arts college that required you to live on campus for the first 2 years. It was the mid-nineties and the internet was barely a thing so you couldn’t coordinate much with your assigned roommate ahead of time except by mail and long-distance telephone. I had

The made-for-TV Ewok movie had this scene where someone reaches their hand into a hole in a tree and a scary-ass monster thing comes jumping out and tries to eat him. At least that’s how I remember it because I got so scared I couldn’t watch the rest of the movie, couldn’t sleep for weeks, and could never watch it

The first day of my freshman year of high school in 1992 Seattle, I wore what I thought was the absolute epitome of Alternative Cool: a black 60s-style tank dress with different colored gigantic polka dots on it; underneath were white “stretch pants” (what are now called leggings) with giant lime green polka dots; and

The last month or so of my Junior year, I started to flirt with a Senior boy who was in a Christian rock band and had recently broken up with his long-time Christian girlfriend. I still hadn’t realized I was an atheist, and I was a bit more confident with him because his ex was fat like me, so I knew he wasn’t opposed

I love living alone so much. It is the best.

Man, with a name like Poopface Johnson, you'd think I'd have a good poop story. My best one is a dog poop story.

Holy shit. I just looked at Old Navy and I had no idea they went up to 4X. I remember when they first came out with plus sized they only went up to like 18 so I was like, well, that's not for me then. Mind blown! Apparently they really do need to advertise. Dang.

God, Lane Bryant made their jeans longer some time in the last few years. For years I consistently wore the "regular" length (I'm 5'7") but now I have to buy the "petite" length or they are way too long. Since when is 5'7" petite??? I guess maybe they assume everyone is wearing 3 inch heels?? Argh.

I (a city raised kid) was out with my family on my aunt's farm when I was about 3 or 4. My mom was in the house with the other grownups and I came running into the house screaming bloody murder. The grownups are all, what the hell, and I finally manage to get out, "Mommy, a slug is chasing me!" My mother tells that

Oh, god, I was so mad when my mom told my dad. I was laying on the couch with my legs hanging over the armrest and my dad reached over from his chair and patted my leg and said, "Honey, maybe you should start shaving your legs, *snicker* now that you're a woman *snicker*" Thought he was so hilarious! Mortifying.