Patrick Stewart deserves the Solid Unobtanium Latinum Plated Lifetime Achievement Award.

Farting helium? Amateur hour. I fart mustard gas.

Twenty six years in IT here. On a good day we had time for duct tape instead of chewing gum and paper clips. On bad days? We’d just lick both ends and push them back together while chanting obscure Latin technology phrases.

...playing on the easy level with cheat codes...

The penis is a great tool for making a woman pregnant . The penis is not the best tool for making a woman orgasm.

Crochet hook.

Wonder Woman is a Certified Bad Ass. She does NOT shave or wax. She only uses Epilady.

Feelings of dread, paranoia and nausea? LOL Well, they did indeed go away when we moved to the woods in the middle of nowhere... but I assumed those feelings went away when I filled out the paperwork to retire from my job. ;)

Not really fake science. Our brains are electrical and chemical devices.

That sounds like a tee shirt to me!

Highly recommended. First inspection was an hour long freebie done by a building engineer friend. All major stuff looked good to great. Second inspection was done by a professional inspector. Much more deep, nitpicking detail. It turned up only minor items, no show stoppers.

LOL You must be a fellow Floridian!

Yep. We often dropped the dog off around the corner at the groomer and went to lunch for showings. Other times we would sit in the back yard with the dog leashed. We wanted buyers to see ALL the rooms.

We did that. Turned out that renting was actually more expensive than buying. Also, for 30 years our “rent” never increases. However location, timing, US economics and other factors peculiar to our situation contributed to our choice of purchasing.

You nailed it! We visited a number of homes. Over time we distilled down what was MOST important to us.

Big plus one on using satellite views. Do this for each house you want to physically visit. It will save you time and gas. I found the perfect place for our retirement - reasonable price, 25 acres, house only needed minor cleanup and repair. Satellite photos showed a business next door. googled the address and found…

Ask for a copy of HOA rules before making an offer.

Yeah. We talked ourselves out of a wow house due to 2.5 story vaulted living room. The a/c was elderly and it would have killed us with electric bills even if it was replaced.

Two things:

I asked my wife how long it would take me to seriously injure myself with that thing. She laughed andreminded me that the nearest E.R. is half an hour away by ambulance.

I asked my wife how long it would take me to seriously injure myself with that thing. She laughed andreminded me…