“People in the drive-thru ask if I’m JaMarcus Russell. I tell them no, then tell them yes as they drive off.”

“When you come at the sitter-hitter king, you best miss.”

Mario Lemieux made a return from cancer, Josh Hamilton made a return from being a fucking crackhead, Ray Lewis made a return from being a murderer........yet Tiger Woods couldn’t mount a successful comeback from infidelity....what a PUSSY!

“Jesus Christ. Why did no one laugh? It’s like Ground Gyro around here.”

When asked what he’s going to do now that he’s got a 100 million dollar contract, Antetokounpo said he’d carry on the fine Greek tradition of spending all 300 million of it.

I’m not sure why you’re so worked up over this. Donovan was responding to a question by noted idiot Dan Patrick about whether he’d play for the US, and in his own answer he basically said “yeah sure, if I’m asked, but it’s probably not happening”. Donovan didn’t say “I’m back and I think I deserve a spot!”. This is…

Isn’t the real question which MLS team is Rooney going to play for?

Diner: “Can I have the double bacon cheeseburger, fries, beer and the injured player walk-through special please.”

Waiter: “Would you like the special teams player injury or can I interest you in upgrading to a starter?”

I haven’t seen the Seminoles massacred by someone name Jackson since good Ol’ Hickory did it in the 1820's

3rd last word has a typo. Great article through

I’ll let the other fan know...

Yeah, they keep talking about sports.

How far can he throw a football?

[Conger] “we just blew our savings on hookers and blow. This doesn’t !look good on us.”

President Trump would have gunboats off Copacabana by now

They look like two friends going for a run, having a funny conversation along the way, while everyone else is trying to catch up.

The Diaz brothers? He’ll bury those cock-a-roaches

That was the most Zlataniest performance ever, anonymous for the whole match except for the brilliant goal.

IOC spokesman (pictured); ‘ didn’t happen, everything’s fine.’

Pictured: Lochte disarming the perpetrator.