I wish I could say I was surprised, but I knew International Relations majors in college who, when asked where they want to study abroad, said "Africa" without a trace of self-awareness.

Possibly my favorite thing about picking a person who's never been to Colorado up from the airport is taking them by this statue. WELCOME TO COLORADO WHERE OUR HORSES ARE OUT FOR BLOOD.

I broke my magical pot bag zipper after my first trip to the dispensary and I'm still mad about it. But yeah, if you can't store your edibles in a safe place away from children/animals then maybe consider not doing edibles in the first place. It is not hard.

RIMSHOT.

I can't imagine a scenario in which I would watch this movie barring some seriously heavy drug use but I have to say this:

I am not exaggerating when I say that I read A Walk to Remember as A Wank to Remember no less than 5 times between the comments and the article itself.

Now I can defend my occasional defection from microbrewery IPAs to Budweiser with moral righteousness rather than weird taste bud malfunctions. Super rad.

Taylor, girl, rethink those fugly-ass shoes please. Other than that, give me more of this late-90s realness ASAP because I need some thigh-highs and plaid skirts in my closet right now. Oh, and cute cat.

Haha! My last fantasy football draft was basically a one-way road to immediate drunkenness. Everyone was making their picks so damn fast the only solution was to drink my beer as fast as humanly possible. The only solution.

WAIT A MINUTE, I LIVE IN COLORADO AND SMOKE WEED AND HAVE SEX.

This is true. I'm sure a lot of people have been there before and have woken up the next morning embarrassed as all hell. Everyone has their nights, and when friends have to step in I'm mostly grateful and definitely sympathize with them (the friends).

"in practice it leads to situations where a smaller woman like Laura, working at a bar with no bouncer, has to deny service to large, irate, already-intoxicated men."

This. I want this. It has everything I ever want in a dress. (Well, I'd prefer gold but I suppose silver is fine, too.)

The internet thanks you. "Period debris" is probably the funniest combination of words I've heard in a long-ass while.

Kohls is a magical place. Everyone makes fun of me for shopping there, but curiously only AFTER they have complimented on whatever I'm wearing and asked where I bought it. More for me, suckas!

THAT BEIGE TIE-BELTED COAT IS MY EVERYTHING AND I WANT IT NOW GIVE IT TO ME NOW.

Your story has not left my mind for FOUR YEARS. You are truly a legend.

I don't know what it says about me that I saw the raised dots on some of these clothes and thought "Looks like mold...I LIKE IT" and I don't care to know.

This just reminds me of that TERRIBLE, HORRIBLE STORY about the pumpkin seed poop from forever ago. Nothing will ever be gnarlier than that. Yeep.

This Dirt Bag has sent me on an emotional roller coaster that my brain was not in any way prepared for. From rage to tears to laughter. It was like emotional calisthenics.