Cubs: How’s everything going tonight?
Indians: Fine.
Cubs: Your entrees are good?
Indians: Yes, fine, thanks.
Cubs: More water?
Indians: All set, I’d just like to-
Cubs: Refresh your wine?
Indians: No, thank you, but the food is getting col-
Cubs: Care for the dessert menu?
Indians: No, please, let me eat my dinn-
Cubs: More…

That man looks cold.. We should get him a blanket

And before we went out to the bars in River North we would all tie onions to our belts, which was the style at the time.

All my excess live in Texas.

I saw this on the interwebs somewhere - not sure who it’s attributed to - but god damn it is spot on and worth a re-post elsewhere.

Or a shitty season of SNL.

A Cardinals win deserves your best Dave Coulier joke.

Are you really gonna do this for every Cardinals win this season? Really?

BLM: “Some police are assholes.”

Wait, the punishment is not being allowed *in* Levi’s Stadium? You sure you heard him right?

This is fucking flagrant disrespect by the NCAA toward our National Anthem. The NCAA hasn’t just canceled these events in North Carolina, they’ve canceled the playing of the National Anthem at these events in North Carolina as well. I’m not a member of the military but that is insanely hurtful to the many members of…

This is no joke. Do not go motorboating.

What are the facts Chuck?

I like how all these dipshits like to point out that chicago has toughest gun laws in the country. Actually, they don’t anymore, because of the dickhead Supreme Court deciding that local governments don’t have the right to govern themselves. I mean — I sort of thought these dipshits thought that local governments are…

That’s not that bad compared to this archived footage of him last year:

Wish I had something more clever to say, but a simple “Man, fuck this guy” will have to suffice.

Man. Fuck this guy.

An artist’s rendition:

So Lochte basically told the Cartman version of the story

True story: I beat Tyson as a kid. I was playing at the neighbor's house with their two kids and we were doing the typical 10-year old thing - playing video games all night until our eyes bleed. It was about midnight (Saturday) before I worked my way up to Tyson. I had faced him before and, like most people, got curb…