Give me back my purse, I don’t know you!

Here’s to “tough, seasoned career women.” We wear jackets with shoulder pads and carry picks in our briefcases for our fashionable perms!

Trump is the Zenith of the current mode of politics where a fact is not information that is actually true but is just something that is repeated endlessly until it doesn’t even matter. He’s your grandma’s old email forwards come to life, truth has no meaning. Dogs and cats living together, mass hysteria!

Oh, so we can just give other people’s awards back now? Cuba Gooding Jr better keep an eye on his Oscar.

Dry Shampoo is my everything. Best thing ever, next to rosemary-infused tequila and moisture wicking hoodies.

Here’s to not washing your hair often. When I first had mine dyed a super pale and high maintenance color I backed off washing but was used to it getting greasy in 2 days, now months later I wash maybe once a week (rinsing other days) and it never gets greasy and is way healthier. I blame Big Shampoo.

Is this the thing that’s gonna make people realize how daffy this entire situation is? Propose mass deportations, a gigantic unaffordable wall.. no problem. But jump on the bandwagon of a click-bait non-news story? Unforgivable. I don’t understand people.

What is the different standard Conservative women are held to that Liberal women are not?

Noooooo not her again. She is to be relegated to the dustbin of pop culture sub-footnotes, like Tan Mom or the Chocolate Rain guy. Wasn’t her thing doing hair even though she wears a wig? Maybe this is all a plan to promote her own salon or something.

I have wanted to stay at the Borden B&B for years but I fear I never will because of the other people that would be there. My love of macabre history is overwhelmed by my distaste of forced interaction with a teenager questioning the attractiveness of Lizzie Borden.

Dude I don’t know, I was like “clearly not” and then I read that it’s:

I think you can kind of read this like a short story. He does a tequila shot or two, decides to switch to beer, then meets a woman and buys her a cosmo. Starts chatting with some people and offers then drinks and they get beers, he goes back to tequila, now pretty hammered and buys a round of shots for everyone at the…

“Vlada is 5’10” and wearing a size small. Her favorite place in New York City is Times Square.” Classic Vlada.

All these places should just have to put up a big sign that says “spiritual consequences” and that tells me all I need to know about them.

I’m surprised someone hasn’t tried to give the whole “girls don’t sleep with me so I’m murderous” thing a name in the hopes of legitimizing it. Like testicular retention induced psychosis. Or a friendlier sounding “He had a case of the jizzblocked cranial crazies.”

Oh man that explains SO much, Fundamentalist Born Agains are the worst for this shit.

I feel so insanely old because I read Demi as Demi Moore and my first thought was that she must be a That 70s Show superfan or something.

I gave mine back when I got divorced. Kept the wedding band though, since I bought it myself, and now wear it on the right hand since it’s just a diamond band. I just couldn’t keep it, would make me feel icky since he bought it and I was leaving him.

I feel like we need some clarification here. Is the “Worth It” metric decided by people writing their own reviews and saying “I did x y and z and feel like it’s worth it”, or is it decided by anyone looking at pictures of people saying “I had a tummy tuck” and being like “well that wasn’t worth it”. One is decidedly…

C’mon now, making fun of sororities for a lack of diversity and general insipidness is shooting fish in a Lily Pulitzer-patterned barrel.