Same. Plus I hate the Beatles and people act like I murder kittens when I say that.

I read this while eating chicken nuggets on the couch. I feel pretty good about that choice.

I imagine the poop emoji would be ribbed for her pleasure.

And children wouldn’t be sexually abused if they weren’t such pathetic little wimps. Why don’t they fight back harder?

Yep, that’s why no man ever has been raped, no drugs have ever been used to limit people’s ability to fight back, and rape is solely a thing that occurs in a dark alley when a tiny defenseless woman is attacked by a big strong man!

Hmm I feel like this is a loophole I would like to exploit for everything...

Hildabeast Clinton and the Vagenda of Manocide is probably my least favourite JK Rowling book.

In my mind it’s tied with Caity Weaver’s infinite mozzarella stick marathon for best Gawker Media article of all times.

You said “his laughter” and I don’t make sandwiches with balls in them because that’s sexist. You can have a meatovery sub. If the bread is too phallic I will smush it into a boob shape because I celebrate women.

Leash, I’ve decided at long last to expose you, finally to unburden you of the cloak of propriety and political correctness; to cleanse your palate of the bitter taste of subterfuge.

all i’m reading rn is penis penis penis penis penis penis

If you don’t see why this is different, then there’s no helping you.

This is glorious and your artwork is fantastic. And that’s me speaking, not my penis. All my penis has to say is “Hey, it’s dark in here!”

It continues to amuse/irritate me to no end that these people - white, conservative, religious - are the real face of welfare fraud. Not saying that other people don’t cheat the system but the FLDS have turned welfare fraud into an art form. Yet somehow when some people use the term ‘welfare queen’ you just know the…

I realize David Duke is a horrible piece of shit and his policies are evil. But...just for one second...can we discuss his face? Because WHAT IS GOING ON WITH HIS FACE. He looks like he had all his skin removed and replaced with...worse skin. He is upsetting, inside and out.

She’s soaring in the polls and her lead will increase to double digits after the debates.

My 3 month old son was in TEARS yesterday when he realized only women can be president and that Hillary Clinton hates him. I’m 95% sure that’s why he was upset. Of course I drank his tears to regenerate my power.