Yessss Mariah. Join us...

"High on weed" is such a dubious phrase; also, it will never not be funny when people say that. It's like, "smoking drugs" or "reefer." Just kills me every time.

Remember SARS? Good times.

Maybe they were trying to trick you! And it worked! Muahaha.

God, can you imagine the employee turnover rate? You'd finally get a woman who was showing enough to be obviously pregnant and then, of course, she'd have to go give birth to the damn thing. I would hate to be in their HR department.

Awwh. Now MASH, my combination mojito and abortion bar, will never get good press.

Just have yourself in the frame watching at first, and as things start heating up and he is busy doing his whatever, add another person in the frame. Just a couple more eyes peeking into frame. By the end just have seven people standing in the room, watching the pepperoni porn. He'll be so surprised.

Adam Levine is a health code violation.

I am so upset.

Hey, at least you did not drink coffee while committing hirsuit fornication.

#dontmesswithmycocnuts

I'm not the jealous type. But Amal is so perfect that it does kindof hurt. Maybe she's a bad dancer or has ugly toes or SOMETHING?! Sigh. No, seriously, I wish her and George the best.

If they're not the most insecure, they're certainly the most nauseating.

Thanks for doing this, Madeleine, I really enjoyed reading it. This kind of thing is what makes life worth living.

I have so many questions, Ziggy.

Now, recover from your vaginal wince and ready your typing fingers for stories of weddings that did not go well.

He does! After seeing the movie he still came to my friend's party the same night and watched me tell jokes.

"Who would ever design a system in which a slipped disc could result in priapism and unending orgasms."