Excellent video choice. Actually, if I'm in the mood to manipulate or freak someone out as a distraction, I go into the "flames on the side of my face" speech.

Dude, that was my first question. Muffley? I was wondering if this story was fiction just because of that. </runs off snickering a la Beavis>

I always feel goofy dancing at shows, too, unless I have a few drinks first.

My parents let me see "Police Academy" when I was seven. I didn't get the podium joke, but I thought it was hilarious.

Upstream Color featured lots of pigs. In fact, so many pigs that I shied away from pork for about a month later. Just saying.

The Nephew is getting a toy Dyson for the holidays. And his favorite game is organizing his mom's spice rack. I am so proud.

I wonder how this news came to light. If the nanny spoke up, then good for her because she was probably under pressure to keep her mouth shut. That's a brave move, and I hope that she can get a much better gig!

Or the need to pay to have friends. Because that is what the Greek system is - you are paying other people to hang out with you.*

You can tell a lot about a person once it's time to clean something. After various living arrangements, I have learned that you must be cleaning-compatible, or everything is going to suck.

Giddy? I don't think I'd last long enough to be giddy before I passed out, preferably in his arms.

Usually, I'm not one to GIF hard news stories on the Gawker network, but this news is truly GIF-worthy.

You are totally right. In theory, companies that large test the hell out of their designs, and maybe this one got a pass. I can see what Target was trying to do, but the overall design suggests that an art director whose primary experience is print was in charge of the look. This might have worked fine as a print ad,…

The more I read this, and as shady as some details seem (especially the Mom-Monjack business), I'm starting to think that it was the combination of chemicals in her body and in her environment that caused the problem rather than the amount. There are a lot of articles now about how people need to watch their Tylenol…

Thank you! Argh. How hard is it to avoid plagiarizing? Back in my teaching days, I told junior freaking high schoolers whose first language wasn't even English that plagiarism was wrong, and they totally understood. Rand Paul is either a sneaky lying douche or he is as dumb as a rock, and neither characteristic is…

"I doubt that his constituency cares in the slightest if he plagiarized every word that he has ever spoken."

Absolutely correct, but you may be assuming that Rand Paul could come up with an original thought if he put in a little effort.

Now, if Cher sat there in the headdress she sang in, the show would have been much better.

I never thought I would say this because Cher is such a visual treasure, but it was almost more fun reading her Twitter than watching her on DWTS.

Oh, Irvine. I am such an embarrassed anteater. Just to make you think of something other than the Career Center's poor judgment, here's a funny.

You were totally cool.