Man, I love people who self-own through being hilariously inept. You know, pumpkin thieves, thin-skinned vulture capitalist owners of blog sites, those kinds of folks.

Jalopnik EIC Patrick George was asking for feedback:

I don’t even have to see the autoplay videos because I’ve fixed my browser. But I just locked my work computer and a notification is on the screensaver about the thing playing, with an option to pause.

Deadspin’s bosses, turn this ridiculous shit off, it’s not making you money and it’s pissing off all your readers…

They actually paid us band kids $40 for a four-day vacation, which is... $40 more than my normal labor. Please don't tell the NCAA they're paying me.

The biggest tragedy in all of this is that they probably won’t be able to find another white heterosexual ivy league finance bro to take Taubman’s place.

Deadspin Article incoming:

Wait does he think Riley and Spoelstra’s careers start at the Lebron years? That’ll be one yike from me

For a second I thought you were being a shit, but I was wrong and just primed for a shitty reply. This dude is for real a great guy.

Same dude that faked an injury in one of the above articles, so that a teammate could get some playing time. Good dude, this guy.

uh.... can you email me about this? kmckinney@deadspin.com 

This is an intense and well-written story, the exact type of stuff that nobody but Deadspin is doing.

Yeah, but where were they possibly going to find a high school coach in Texas who HASN’T been caught covering up massive sexual assault allegations?

I meant this as a joke, but as I typed it out I remembered that a coach in my hometown hit-and-ran and killed a black mother and her daughter and then only got probation. …

Shut it down folks. We have a winner

Looks like Peterson finally learned not to go for the switch.

At what point do we just say boxing shouldn’t be a thing anymore?  I wonder if in 50 years people will look back in disbelief that this sport even existed in the 21st century.

The law exists to protect the interests of the rich, in this case, Sony.

“Our investigation not looking for anything didn’t find anything. That concludes our press conference of our findings and I will take no questions.”

“They opened up an investigation and suspended the season after a week? How could these simple country bumpkins, who only know football and how to till the land possibly make this kind of call so quickly? Surly, they don’t understand things like sexual assault. Why, they are most likely still startled by the daily…

WAS AT SPEEDWAY AND RIGHT NEAR TONY STEWARTS RACE HAULER.AFTER HE CAME IN HE HAD THE CREW CHAGE HIS RIGHT REAR TIRE .THEY ENDED UP PUTTING A LEFT ONE ON. COPS WERE TOLD ABOUT IT SO HOPEFULLY THEY DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT. HE ALSO HAD A GO PRO CAMERA ON HIS CAR HOPEFULLY THEY CONFISCATE THAT ALSO BEFORE THAT GETS…