You should learn to read.

My buddy’s old roommate used to date a guy who looked exactly like Lo Duca to the point where that became his nickname.

God damn fuck you.

I’m reading this thinking “Where’s he going with this? Where’s he going with this?” and then Wham!

This may have been the hardest I have laughed at a Deadspin comment. I almost got bored and bailed halfway through the comment and I’m glad I stuck around. Kudos to you. 

Just take it

Goddammit, take your star.

Wow, he’s really lucky, because, while they take drug offenses super-seriously in New Hampshire, they recently repealed the death penalty. Not only that, but hanging was still on the books in NH as one of the possible means of execution, until earlier this year! So, he won’t have to worry about mobs of people…

The rule is the problem. I’m not a fan of handball being given were there’s no intent and no real advantage. It’s funny. I’m a City fan and I hated both of last week’s VAR decisions (yes, even the one that gave Aguero another penalty) although acknowledge both were technically correct.

The headline I would've guessed had I read the article before seeing the title. 

First of all, VAR didn’t steal shit, if anything stole anything, the handball rule did. We’re two rounds into the season and holy shit am I already bored of people whining about VAR. I’ve overall been pretty impressed with its implementation. It still has a long way to go, and there’s a ton that needs to be improved…

Exactly right. VAR did its supposed job today — it’s that rule that seems a bit nuts. 

“actually made some mild contact with his left arm.”

I’m confused. VAR got two calls right, but missed a takedown in the box, therefore it’s bad? There are 15 penalties a game in the box off corner kicks. More get missed without VAR than with. The disallowed goals were correct calls. An offside and an arm deflection leading to a goal seem legit to look at. Why is…

Every time a Deadspin take insinuates than Man City was somehow screwed by a ticky tack VAR decision in the UCL, I’ll be here to stridently disagree. Kun was clearly offside and the ball only went to him because Bernardo significantly deflected Eriksen’s ill advised pass. Today was entirely different. VAR was…

Alternate Universe Headline: Spurs robbed by handball-assisted goal.

That’s acute joke.

I saw the Dayton Triangles play when I was a youngster. I have to say that I found their offense rather obtuse.

I think you’re choosing to overlook some tremendous downfield coverage on the first down play.

No, I’m worse than that. I’m a centrist who peddles in late night ironic juxtaposition. CAN YOU IMAGINE?